Two voices of consciousness #7

Feels like ages when we last spoke, how are you? Oh, I can not even start to explain. Time is running and I am just trying to catch up. I feel like I am balancing on a very thin spread, being careful not to tip over to any side. What is down there? It is not that much about what is down there, as it is about what is on either side. On one side there is full clarity, while on the other side there is complexity. On the other side there is the concept, and on the other side the method. But does not all of those four link to each other? Should they not relate? Absolutely, that is why I am balancing in between, looking here, looking there, looking everywhere. I can tell you it is frustrating and difficult, and you need to understand these words in their deepest meaning. I think I am doing something right, that I am about to figure it all out, only to find out that there is several more options to consider, and that probably the thought I initially had, is only a start. I never get anywhere. I never get to full stop. But, that is why you do what you do, right? It is all about trying to figure something out, when you have done that, you need to start all over again somewhere else. When you have figured it all out, you might as well stop. Right? Right?? Right. And I know, once I do get this, it is going to be great. Because I am great.

Going one way or another, that is truly the key point in my work at the moment. I just hope, I would be a bit more sure by now. You know, I have never in my life had the need to satisfy someone as much as I have right now. At the same time, while I feel like I am loosing something, I feel that I am gaining something else. So it is not a bad thing? No, maybe not. Because it is only temporary. But what happens when I leave this place, I have no clue. I might just be able to pull it off, or I sink. I might be able to stay on the thin spread, or I tip over. Is this what my life will be like for the rest of my life?

But that has to be the whole point about me being here. Otherwise I might just as well be somewhere else, doing something else.