Two voices of consciousness #20
I have been on about this before and I will continue to dwell upon this issue for some time to come, I’m sure. But again these thoughts just hits me like a million amperes, in the most unpredictable circumstances but most often in the shower, since that is the only place – except for my studio, which at the moment is providing me the opportunity to study for my exams rather than make art – where I am truly on my own. Even if the jolliness can’t last for longer than some ten minutes at a time before the hot water runs out, it works as a lucrative platform for me to gather my thoughts. My thoughts and reflections on my domestic life and existence vs. art making mostly. But my recent wonderings and theories has left me far more at ease with the situation, than the previous ones have. Instead of going on about – tediously – how my family quite brutally robs time from my art making, it actually does quite the contrary in providing for it as well. My life without my family would not be the exact same only minus partner, kids and a mortgage, but far less. Being so well informed about myself as I am at the age of 30, I suspect I would be living in a one bedroom flat somewhere in the affordable and comfortable suburbs (not the trendy and artistic city centre quarters that I can only fantasise of staying in). I would also be working nine to five to pay for the bills in a job that my spiritual growth would have absolutely nothing to gain from and I would most likely be trapped in a not really working but far too practical to brake kind of relationship. I would also not have much more of a social life than I have now (actually less since I would be living alone) and I would not make much more art than I am making today, simply because I wouldn’t have the time or the energy to do so. So in my case being a part of this, what I like to call a self-providing unit also known as the Family, makes it possible for me to make art in the first place. My family is providing for me and my practice. And that is a remarkable change in attitude for me to realise. My domestic life and my art practice are not two separate entities that needs somehow, by force mostly, entwine but in fact they are fully reliant on each other. One could not exist without the other.